Upside Down

Everything seems upside down to me in this moment.  It's Christmas Eve.  If you were inside my home, you'd never know.  This is the first year - ever - that there are no decorations at all.  None.  No Christmas tree, no stockings, no garlands or even a wreath on the door.  It's that way for a couple of reasons, really.

First, we've purposefully chosen to back away from some of the traditional Christmas things, because we've learned about where those traditions originated.  It's been a journey, but over the course of about three years we've felt that God was asking us to let them go and focus more on Him.  However, last year, even though I didn't put up a tree, I did decorate.  I hung our stockings on the mantle and decorated the mantle wth fun things, and I decorated the kitchen and dining area with fun, wintery candy and snowmen.  There wasn't a tree, but it was festive and fun.  This year, there's not of that.  Our home is in the middle of a never ending remodel.  There is no mantle, not much furniture and it really isn't even a comfortable place to me.  I just couldn't see the point of fussing over decorating for winter when there isn't any other piece of decor in the house.  There aren't even any baseboards!

My bare living room

Because we've focused more on the Biblical feasts, we celebrated Hanukkah and we chose to give the kids a few gifts then.  There is not one box wrapped up waiting to be opened tomorrow.  We celebrated with my mom this past weekend.  The kids got gifts from that part of the family.  Another extended family celebration is coming up this weekend and there will be more gifts then.  The final extended family get together will be the weekend after New Year's, and yet more gifts then, too.  So, it's not as if the kids are suffering.  They are very blessed.

I truly, absolutely love celebrating the Biblical feasts.  I can't imagine wanting to put them aside at this point.  And yet, lately I have felt myself missing some of the traditions that I grew up with and that we created with the boys for so long.

This evening, though, we shared a simple meal with friends of ours from church.  Two of my favorite couples came to share dinner and enjoy each other's company.  It was a sweet time and I enjoyed every moment.  Then, we loaded up and headed to deliver gifts to a family who have lost their income in the last few months…a family that we love and is very dear to our hearts.  Seeing the look on their faces and their Christmas tree go from having no packages to being overflowing is the highlight of my week. There were more than a half dozen adults and kids carrying gifts…a present parade marching right up that sidewalk.  Joy.  Unspeakable joy.  Not from getting, but from giving.

Upon our return to a quiet, half empty home I started to really think about this season….the way we've done it before, the journey over the past few years and also the way it looks and feels right now.  Then I happened upon Ann Voskamp's site, A Holy Experience.  I saw her upside down tree a few weeks ago and thought about hanging one myself.  I would've if I could've figured out how to do it without making a mess of my ceiling.  Jesus wasn't born at this time of year, but when he was born he didn't arrive with twinkling lights and piles of expensive gifts.  He did get some nice gifts eventually - frankincense, myrrh and gold were gifts fit for a king, but He didn't actually get those until he was a toddler.  He lived upside down from the very beginning.  He gave, cared and poured out himself to others.  I don't think he'd be sitting here tonight imagining a beautifully decorated home and wishing He had one, and I'm afraid if He saw me here doing it, I'd likely get a gentle correction.  But I do think He would've been proud to join us as we blessed a family and showed them how much we love them.

Upside down.  It's interesting that in some ways it feels so strange…off balance…completely different and maybe even uncomfortable.  But upside down, growing out & expanding like Ann's tree is exactly what makes life larger, more beautiful and full of the sweetest gifts ever.  Those gifts have nothing to do with tinsel and ornaments and everything to do with loving people that God brought to you for a purpose ~ loving them.  My home looks a bit upside down this season, but our hearts and lives have opened up and grown a little wider and are much fuller.  Upside down is good.

Happy Adoption Day!

What a year it's been!  This is naturally the time of year that most of us look back and reflect on the past  year, but it carries a little more meaning for us this year.  Right about this time last year, Grant officially became a Widhalm!  I say, "right about" because we were actually in court on December 20th, the last day court was in session prior to the holiday but the paperwork wasn't actually filed and "official" until after Christmas, on the 26th.  So technically, I suppose the actual adoption wasn't final until the 26th but we were already feeling official and celebrating on the 20th.  

Grant's story is pretty amazing and very close to my heart, of course.  God definitely was the orchestrator of this beautiful boy being part of our family and we couldn't be more honored and blessed.  Maybe one day I'll share it with you, but tonight I just want to celebrate the joy of our adoption and cherish the moment when we knew that he really was ours forever.

Widhalm, Party of SIX! 

After the hearing, we took some pictures
at Stone Chapel on Drury's campus.

Each of the boys have a special buddy from Build-a-Bear, so
we headed right over for the big brothers to make one
for Grant.

They each chose a heart, rubbed them to make sure it would
always be warm and snuggly….

and filled them with lots of love and kisses.

Until he was filled to the brim with love and was stuffed just
right for a perfect baby brother.

He's already getting lots of hugs & kisses!  Grant loves
his puppy and sleeps with him every night.

All the boys wore this fun hat and I still love it.
Seemed like a perfect accessory for the day. :)

What a super great day it was!  It was the perfect beginning to the holiday last year and will make this time of year extra special from now on.

It's been a year of learning, growing, and adjusting ~ just like any other family.  I learned that no adoptions are "easy", regardless of the situation or circumstance.  There is loss, gain, joy & heartache all wrapped up into one….so much like the birth of a biological child and yet also very different.  In the end, they are ALL worth it.  Biological or adopted ~ they are ours and they are each worth every moment of struggle and heartache it takes to be the parents God has called us to be.

Grant William Emilio Widhalm is an incredible blessing!  He fits right into this all-boy crew and none of us would even know how to breathe without him.  It was God's plan for him to be the baby of this family and we are so excited to watch him grow, learn about his Savior and see what it is that God has for him.

Happy Adoption Day, sweet boy!  Mommy, Daddy & all your brothers love you more than you may ever know.  We are incredibly honored and blessed to be yours and for you to be ours!

 

These Were Long Overdue!

We had family pictures taken for the first time in six years.  It's not that I haven't wanted them, but the thought of the experience of it was so terrible that I just couldn't bring myself to ever really call and book a session.  Since it has been a year since Grant's adoption was final, I finally just bit the bullet.  And thanks to Chelsea Tudor at Capture Studios, it wasn't nearly the disaster I had imagined.

L to R, Harrison (6 yrs), Jackson (11 yrs), Grant (2 yrs) and Carter (8 yrs).  We don't need to talk about how old Doug and I are.  LOL

Catching Up!

The second night of Hanukkah.  Harrison's turn to light the
candles!  

Boy has life been a little crazy around here the last month or so!  I had every intention of blogging each day of Hanukkah, but oh well.  It is what it is and here we are.  Eventually, I'll go back and visit the topic of Biblical feasts.  For now, I'm just going to get a few pictures up that should at least partially tell the story of what we've been up to the last few weeks.

Had some good friend over for the first night of Hanukkah
Kids had a blast!  I think their favorite thing was
the fried doughnuts.

Spent some time with Emily, Grant's biological
mom on Thanksgiving.  So blessed!

                                                                       

                           

My first attempt at Paleo waffles.  They
were great!  The kids LOVE them.
This Paleo adventure has been a challenge,
but we are so much healthier & happier.  Will
definitely be sharing some recipes and
experiences as we continue on.  

Jackson's turn!   They love lighting the candles. :)

Biblical Feasts & Hanukkah ~ Part 1

Harrison got to light the candles on the 2nd night
of Hanukkah this year.  We enjoy lighting them as we
start dinner so that we can enjoy them, pray and read
while we eat. 

More than three years ago, the topic of the Biblical Feasts kept being put in front of me.  I wasn't searching.  In fact, I had never even really knew about them.  I had heard of them once or twice, but just assumed they were some Jewish cultural thing that really wasn't significant and didn't matter.  God wouldn't let up, though, and in different ways the Feasts just kept showing up, so I finally gave in and did what I love to do - read and search for "treasures".

What I found was really interesting.  I wasn't quite sure what it would practically mean to us, if anything, but I was enjoying the newfound knowledge and understanding of Bible history and Hebrew culture.  I tried to stay unbiased and just search the scriptures, along with other resources to see what I would find rather than trying to prove one point or the other.

The first thing I found was Leviticus 23.   Now quite frankly, Leviticus isn't a book of the Bible that I have ever spent any amount of time reading.  It's really pretty boring reading about all those mundane details of how, exactly, God wanted them to sacrifice, worship, create government, etc etc.  I never felt like any of that applied to us today anyway - so why spend the time reading and trying to figure it out?  But as I began to read this time, things began to stand out in a new way.  Three different times in this chapter, it repeats that these are a "feast to the Lord…It is a statute forever, throughout your generations".  

First of all, these are God's feasts.  His days ~ set up for His honor, to meet with His people and so that all those following Him would know and remember the things He wanted them to remember.  Interesting, right?  I began to have a long list of questions I wanted answered.  Secondly, that word 'forever' stood out to me.  Forever is forever - before and after Jesus.  I believe when God said it, He meant it - forever.  So if they were so important to Him and He wanted them celebrated forever, why didn't I know anything at. all. about them?  Something inside me wouldn't let it rest, and I kept searching.

1 Thess 5:21 says, "Test all things.  Hold fast to what is good."

Here are some questions for you ~ How well would you understand the Pilgrims without a Thanksgiving celebration?  Would you remember all the details of the story?  The names of the ships, how they came to America, the struggles they had, how they learned to plant corn and other food with the help of the Native Americans?  Would you remember their names, their dress, and what foods might have been on the table that first Thanksgiving?   Or, without the celebration, would the first Thanksgiving be just another point of history that you learned and let it quickly fade from your mind?

Maybe it's because my background is in education, but I think it's pretty amazing that God gave us a hands-on, participatory, FUN way to learn about "His Story" through His holy days!  When I realized that, I had an "A-ha Moment" of my own.  Well, of course He did it that way.  He created these brains of ours after all, and He knows best how they work and how we learn.  God is good!  He loves us and desires the we bury the truth of Him and His Word deep in our hearts.  I think He knew from the very beginning that we would need repititous, hands-on, enjoyable learning to get that accomplished.

In a nutshell, there are 7 feasts laid out in Leviticus that are to be celebrated and remembered forever. They are divided into two groups ~ the Spring Feasts & Fall Feasts.  Together, they literally symbolize and tell Christ's story from beginning to end.  In Colossians 2:16-17, Paul tells the Gentile believers that the holy days "are a shadow of things to come."  The Spring Feasts point to Christ's death, burial and resurrection.  Jesus was sacrificed for our sins on Passover, buried on Unleavened Bread and rose again on Firstfruits.  The fall holidays are a picture of His first and second coming and the beginning of the Messianic reign of Christ.

Each feast is a huge opportunity to learn more about our Creator, our Savior and His plan for us.  Why waste it?  Each one is filled with details that are absolutely and incredibly amazing to me.  We learn more every year.  They've quickly become very dear to our hearts.  I hope that even if you don't share our feelings about the Feasts, that you'll learn a thing or two about scripture this week that will inspire you to dig for some treasures of your own.

What's Up With Hanukkah? And..Happy Thanksgiving!

I've debated whether or not to even write about this here, because I truly do not want to spark a debate or come across as being judgemental or offensive to anyone, especially our extended family, in any way.   My heart doesn't want you to think I've lost my mind.  I'm a people-pleaser and I HATE it when I feel like the people I love aren't happy with me.  I'm working on that, but it's a work in progress.

Just please remember that the primary reason I started this blog is to have a place to write about what our family is doing, keep up with pictures of my kids and print them periodically.  I could've chosen to keep it private - for my eyes only.  Maybe  I should've thought through that a little better.   (Sigh)   Oh well, here we are.  I chose not to keep it private only because I thought that I had some family and friends that would enjoy seeing the kids' pictures and reading about their antics.  I mean, really, they are pretty wonderful and I love 'em so much I just wanted to share them.  What that means is that you are getting a glimpse into my home and my heart.  The way life really is here.  Mostly, that's fun for me.  Sometimes, it's a little scary.  However, if I expect my boys to be able to be transparent and honest even when it's hard, then I'd better be able to do the same.

I want our holiday photos included in the published outcome of all this, so that means I need to post them.  But, I know when I post them, they are going to create questions if I haven't shared my heart, so that's what I decided to do.  Writing where our hearts are will also create a black and white, printed copy on paper that the boys will have someday if they need to remember what their mom & dad were thinking at this time in their lives and why we made these decisions.  In the end, it will be a good thing.

The situation with holidays and learning about the Feasts in scripture has actually been a very long process.  It started at least three years ago, so it's impossible to explain it in three paragraphs.  For that reason, I'm going to divide it up and just post a little bit every day over the next week or so, while we're celebrating Hanukkah.  If you don't want to know about it, just skip it.  Hopefully, if you decide to read them, you'll understand where we're coming from.  We can agree to disagree if we need to - that's fine with me.

In the meantime ~ today is Thanksgiving.  My list of blessings is so incredibly long.  We've been blessed by our Creator beyond measure, and I'm ever so grateful.  Why He loves us so, I'm not sure I understand, but I'm so glad that He does!  I pray that today you found yourself blessed as well, and enjoying your family and friends.

Today, I was blessed to spend some time with Emily, Grant's biological mom.  She's a precious soul and someone that I will be forever thankful for.  Without her, I wouldn't be the mother of 4 boys.  In a million years, I never would have expected to find myself in this place.  One day, I'll write about that, I'm sure.  Today though, I'm not worrying about all that.  Today, I'm just thankful for Emily, who she is, and what she means to me and this family.  It's indescribable.

Emily & Me
Thanksgiving ~ 2013

Happy Hanukkah!

Wednesday evening was the beginning of Hanukkah and it was so much fun!  The boys have been anxiously awaiting this holiday that is fairly new to us.  This is the third year that we've celebrated and each year they love it more and more.  They love lighting the candles each evening and the other new traditions we have started.  This year, for the first time, we invited another family over to share dinner and some fun with.

It was a really relaxed, fun evening.  Logan came over a few hours before dinner for some extra playtime.  I'm sure that part of the celebration will be requested again next year!  While the kids played, I got the food together.  The menu was roast chicken, fried venison, baked sweet potatoes, green bean casserole, carrots, and salad.  Dessert was apple crisp and a Hanukkah favorite ~ fried donuts.  The kids were so excited about the donuts.  They have significance to the celebration, but I think it's funny because they are so simple and easy - and they aren't even really donuts, but they just love them!  

One of the things I love about celebrating Hanukkah is that it is so simple.  No fuss.  No rush.  No stress.  Just special, quiet time with family and friends that is focused on Christ.  It has been a huge blessing and we've learned so much.  I'm so thankful that God led us to this place.

After dinner,  we lit the menorah, ate dessert, read
scripture and discussed how we can apply the
lessons of Hanukkah to our lives.

After we lit the candles, read and discussed scripture, we watched a DVD that told the story of the Macabees and how the Jewish people rebuilt and cleaned the temple after it had been defiled by the Syrians.  The kids weren't happy when it was all over and we hadn't had time to play with the dreidels.  Hopefully, we'll have some time before Hannukah is over to get together with Logan and do that.   It was a great evening and we're looking forward to the rest of the week!

Ok.  I know that if you know me and my family, you are likely wondering why in the world we are celebrating Hanukkah in the first place.  Stayed tuned.  The answer isn't a short one, but it's coming.